


Angsty boi is angsty

by Mika765



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Depression, Eating Disorders, Emetophobia, Galaxy Garrison, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, I swear this is better than the tags make it sound!, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Unsafe Binding Practices, just trying to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-08-30 03:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16757002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mika765/pseuds/Mika765
Summary: Abandoned - sorryIf you ever wondered how Keith got kicked out of the Garrison, and how he found the blue lion, Here ya go.basically, a WIP that starts when keith is at the garrison.I lost motivation to write all of this so i figured i would see if anyone liked it so please let me know if you do





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is something I started months ago....
> 
> It is gonna have Keiths, POV, Lance's POV, and some Krolia's POV
> 
> I just wanted to see if anyone liked it, or had any ideas?
> 
> Also, I do use some feminine coded language in reference to keith, who is a trans man (typically, breast)

Keith couldn’t focus on anything that the professor and instructor at the front of the class was saying. Classes had just started up again after the summer break and the same memories that had plagued him for the past few months were now effecting his studies. He dug his nails into his thighs as he once again heard his dad’s voice shouting at him, drowning out the voices of the people sitting around him.

“Emma, what do you mean you’re a boy?! You’re my daughter! Do you know how hard it was to raise you alone with your mom away?! And now you don’t even want to be what she made you?! You don’t get to choose!!!”

Tears welled in his eyes as he remembered coming home after his first year at the Garrison, with a binder that Shiro and Matt had helped him get and the haircut he had done himself, only to be met with yelling and anger. His dad had kicked him out, telling Keith that he would always be dead to him if he wasn’t Emma, and with Shiro and Matt both dead in space it was everything he could do to take care of himself. That meant scavenging for any food he could get his hands on, and wearing his binder for so long that he couldn’t breathe, and it left deep, red marks on his body. The only thing he had left of home was the clothes on his back and his mom’s knife.

He was angry at his dad for treating him like this, angry at Shiro for leaving him alone to deal with everything, angry at his mom for never coming back despite her promise, angry at the school for dismissing Shiro's and Matt's case, and mostly angry at himself for not being ‘right’.

Before he even knew it, the day was over. His body was just running on autopilot the whole time. He stood in the hallway and watched everyone in their groups of friends excitedly chattering before dinner and he couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand the emptiness clawing at his chest. He couldn’t breathe. Everyone here was so...normal, and thought that he was normal, but nothing about this - the school, space, his gender - was normal. His classmates knew better than to bother him, but that left him feeling incredibly lonely.

Keith ran to his room, relieved to see his roommate wasn’t there. They didn’t care much for each other, but that just meant that they stayed out of each other’s way. He threw himself down onto the school issued bedding, and though it was far from comfortable, it was so much better than the shack that he had been calling home for the summer and the old, metal framed couch he has been sleeping on. 

He just wanted to cry but knew that if he started, he would never stop. And he is a boy, and boys are supposed to be tough, right?

He decided not moving for the rest of the night was the best option. Missing dinner would be fine. He had already eaten more at breakfast and lunch than he usually ate in a full day when he was alone, and besides he needed to lose a little more off his stomach and hips to look more masculine anyways. 

He slept restlessly. It was too quiet and he was used to being on alert all night. Eventually, he got out of bed to to get some water and pull off his binder despite the feeling of nausea that always accompanied removing it. At times like this he was glad that he hadn’t eaten or else it all would have gotten thrown up. He knew enough to lift his arms above his head, clenching his eyes closed, and coughed a few times to clear out his lungs, trying not to wake his roommate.

He grabbed his Garrison uniform top and quickly wrapped it loose around him, try hard to not look at the breasts and litany of scars on his chest. He didn't bother with shoes as his socked feet would be quieter on the hard floors. It was completely dark except for small lights along the bottom of each wall, he had no idea what time it was but he should not have been out of bed. His eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly as he blinked and he slowly crept down the hallways to the dining hall. He could have just drank out of one of the bathroom taps, but he really just wanted to drink out of a cup - a normallacy that he hadn’t had in months unless you count empty tin cans as cups. He had just made it to the entry way when he heard the sounds of someone approaching behind him. He ducked inside the dining hall, praying to any diety that would listen that the dark would hide him enough to not get written up for this. He did not need the school reaching out to his father. The school didn't know he was lying to them.

The footsteps grew closer but so did the sound of hushed voices. Someone else was sneaking around as well. Being a little more bold, Keith moved over to the far side of the hall in the dark towards the main kitchen area. He quietly grabbed a cup and filled it at the tap, chugging it. It hit rock bottom in his stomach and he had to fight not to throw the water up all over the floor. After some deep breaths and clenching of his jaw so tight he thought his teeth would shatter, Keith washed the glass and tucked it back into the cupboard.  
He snuck back to the entrance and strained to hear if the other people were still around. Hearing nothing, he snuck back to his room.  
He managed to get back in without being spotted or waking his roommate, and leaned back against the door with a sigh.

Then it was a matter of fluidly removing the uniform jacket and pulling on the baggiest tshirt he could find.  
His stomach rolled again but he climbed into bed, ignoring it. He hoped that more sleep would make him feel better.

The next few days passed in a blur of lessons that Keith could not be bothered to be interested in. Hours and hours of life sciences, history of space travel, space operations and procedures, robotics, etc. The only thing he could gather some energy for was physical training. The training and the pain of his body gave him something to focus on. He would go until he was heaving, his chest no longer able to expand in his binder, not really caring about the health risks. What did it matter anyways?

His goal had been space travel but after the loss of Shiro and Matt and seeing how little the school did to help them, he couldn’t really be bothered. Keith knew he would be disappointing a lot of people, especially since he seemed to have a particular skill for flying, but he didn’t have any goals anymore. What was even the point? There was nothing here for him anymore.

Finally, it was time to start more practical training. Some of the instructors had been worried from watching Keith all week, hoping that maybe that the routine of flying would wake him up out of whatever funk he had been in since classes started. Iverson, trying to show him off set him up with two other cadets he didn’t know, despite them both seeming excited to work with him. He just wanted to get this over with so he could go back to his room. It all started out smoothly, he just let himself react as he naturally would, feeling the air and giving himself room to maneuver. It wasn’t until the simulation hit some turbulence and the craft shook that things took a turn. One second he was navigating the unfamiliar terrain of an alien planet and the next second he was in his father’s living room being shook, vision blurry as tears poured down his face. “You are not my daughter! What is wrong with you?! You are not a boy! You will never be a boy! Get the fuck out of my house until you seek help!” 

Keith is ripped from his memories by the beeping of the simulator notifying him and his team that they had failed. His screen indicated that he had veered into the ground giving his team no chance of survival. His heart was racing and he didn’t feel like he could breathe, everything was too much and he needed to get out. Slowly, he stood on shaky legs, and turned to walk out of the already empty cabin when his passed was blocked by Iverson. Iverson sneered at him, “It was flying like that that lead to the loss of Shirogane and Holt on the Kerberos mission”.

Keith’s body moved before he had a chance to properly process what was said to him. He threw an elbow at Iverson’s head, catching his eye socket and knocking his head back. He knew he was in deep, and also drove his knee up into Iverson’s stomach. With that, he took off down the hallway, shedding his uniform as he went.

When he got back to his room, he grabbed what little was his - his jacket, his mom’s knife, his roommates backpack, and anything else he had accumulated during his time at the school. 

He started sprinting to the nearest exit, hesitating when he did not hear anyone approaching or any alarms going off, presumably everyone was still in shock. He spun on his heel and took off in the opposite direction towards the dining hall, he may not have been eating much these days but he hadn’t left any food at his place since he imagined he was going to be spending months at the Garrison. There was a few older cadets littered around the room, all heads shooting up to look at him as he ran in. He moved quickly but stopped running, not trying to spook the people watching him. Approaching the sidewall, Keith slipped in through the kitchen door. The academy did not keep a lot of canned goods or water packs on hand, but there was enough to fill the backpack. He slid it over his back and made sure that the straps were tight, not wanting to lose it but willing to if someone grabbed it. Now, he had no more time to lose and he ran, ran harder than he ever had. Bursting out of the kitchen and sliding over the edges of tables, not feeling like he could take the time to swerve.  
Now there was people rushing the hallway, mostly other cadets but also a few instructors. He kept his head low and tried to quickly maneuver through the crowds. An instructor spotted him as he ran towards a door, his only redeeming trait was that he was fast as the instructor rushed and yelled to get to the door before him. Keith pushed the door open and was met by blinding sun. His lungs burned as he inhaled the blowing sand and hot air but he had to keep going. He ran across the compound, praying that he would make it out when a flash of red caught his eye. There was a red hoverbike, typically used for some more real life pilot training, resting by some other equipment. Without even thinking he darted over to it, and hurriedly tried to start it as the sounds of running and shouts drew closer. Finally, it sputtered to life, sand being spun out of its blades, and Keith took off. 

His stomach was in his throat. What would he do if they caught him? Would he even be able to survive alone? Would this bike even make it all the way back to his shack? His head was racing and so was his heart, breath coming in short and fast. He didn’t hear any other vehicles starting up behind him over the pounding if his heart in his ears, but he still decided to take the longest and most complicated route back to his shack. 

After what felt like hours, Keith was positive that he wasn’t being followed and headed in the immediate direction of the shack. Despite being in the desert, both his directional awareness and pilot skills pointed him in roughly the right direction, enough so that he could see it to his left as he got closer. His heart clenched knowing that now he had nowhere to really call “home” anymore. He ditched the bike in a nearby rock formation and darted over to his door. He shook the door handle unable to get it open, eventually throwing his whole weight against the door and falling in against the hard, wooden floor. Staying on the floor, he shrugged off the backpack and rolled over. Light streamed in through the door exposing all the dust floating in the air, he could feel the sand pressing into is skin. He goes to throw his arms over his face in exhaustion when a flash or reddish-brown on his eye catches his eye. Keith sits up, examining his elbow. There is dried blood caked all over the point of his elbow with dried drips angled down towards his wrist. Looking closer, it does not seem to be his blood. His stomach sank and bile raised in his throat as he realized that it meant it could only have been from Iverson when Keith elbowed him in the eye. He swallowed down hard, burying his feelings. He couldn’t focus on the past anymore. He doesn’t exactly how much time has passed before he moves again. It feels like days. He doesn’t feel anything else other than the ache of his chest and eyes. His mouth feels dried shut and he doesn’t even think he could move if he wanted to. He managed to blink his eyes open, the dry rheum pulling against him. He winced as his eyes adjusted to the light. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and then he feels it. A vague pulling sensation, like there is danger and his instincts say to go in that direction. He struggles to pull his elbows towards his body and prop himself up, his binder pulling even tighter across his chest. A voice, that sounded surprisingly like Shiro’s scolded him for leaving it on so long, this wouldn't kill him but the rib deformities might. He reached a hand out, dragging it around until he found the pack back, pulling it over to him. Keith pulled out a water pack and chugged it, but started sputtering and threw up about half the pack, clutching his stomach. He tried taking some deep breaths but his chest was tight with panic. He fought to get his binder and shirt off and flung them across the shack, falling down onto his back once again. His chest heaved and he could feel the water sloshing around in his stomach. The panic had woke him up more though so when he had caught his breath, he managed to pull himself upright and sit cross legged. His pants were covered in water, which clung to him in the heat. He picked up the water packet again and slowly sipped at it, it still hit rock bottom but he could brace himself this time. After a few deep breaths, he also grabbed an energy bar, taking a small bite and making sure to chew slowly. His gag reflex went off again and he swallowed it down. He hadn't eaten in days and knew that he would soon need something. He finished it carefully, paying attention to his body and how fast his heart was beating and where he hurt.

Gathering the energy to stand up, he grabbed a sports bra that he had stashed away. It wasn't perfect, or even remotely good, but he couldn't wear his binder anymore. It flattened him a little as he slide on his shirt, and it at least would stop obvious movement. Not that he would see anyone out there. He followed the pull out the door, almost a pulsing now, like a large irregular heart beat. Or at least a heart rate that is irregular for a human.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance's POV

Lance had never been more excited, and scared, and nervous, and so many feeling that he just thought he was going to throw them all up. He had been accepted to the Galaxy Garrison, the most prestigious space military academy in the country. It was his first day and instructors seemed to care more about showing them around than actually teaching them anything! He was bored and had stepped away from the main group when some lights caught his attention. Peering through the window he examined the bright and flashy robotics lab, entranced by the way that everyone just seemed to know how to make things work. He watched for a while as robots fixed and made other robots, responded to their creators commands, assembled small model kits, etc. Eventually he lost interest and went to rejoin the tour when he realised, he could no longer hear or see them. Now he was bored and lost.   
He wandered around for a while, walking passed the dining hall, many instructional rooms, and even what appeared to be some simulation room. Never once did he see someone he recognized. Anxiety started to bubble underneath his skin. It was his first day, he couldn’t get in trouble already. His family would be so disappointed in him if he got kicked out before his classes even started. Just when his breathing started accelerating he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. He spun and jumped away from the touch only to be met with a placating, apologetic look. The older cadet had his hands up in front of him as if trying to signal that he was unarmed or something. Lance scoffed to himself and rolled his shoulders to loosen them up. He hadn’t been scared, he just is always on alert, that’s all. The cadet dropped his hands and smiled at Lance. “I’m gonna assume it is your first day?” His voice is light, gentler than Lance expected with the muscle that the cadet had built up. His legs and armed were toned in ways that Lance only wished his could be. He had softly curled brown hair and his green eyes lit up when he spoke. Lance realised that he had been staring when the cadets smile begin to tilt a little bit. “Oh… yeah.” Lance ran a hand through his hair nervously. “I was with my tour group and I got distracted by the robotics and I haven’t been able to find them.” He laughed softly.   
The other boy just nodded, like this wasn’t his first time finding a lost newbie. “Well, I can definitely help you find them, the groups tend to follow the ame tour every year. My name’s Luca by the way.” He flashed Lance a smile and started off down the hallway, expecting Lance to catch up. Once Lance’s heart stopped racing, he sped up to match Luca’s pace. He wiped his palms on his uniform pants. “So….” He started awkwardly. “How long have you been at the Garrison?”  
Luca shrugs slightly, head turning to face Lance. “Around 5 years? I changed my focus a few times so it isn't like I am well versed in anything. I think it is driving my instructors crazy, especially now that I am 22.” Lance felt his brain shut down for a second, but he shook it off and pretended that his dreams to suck this boys dick weren’t just crushed.  
“Well, I plan on being a fighter pilot” Lance said this a little too nonchalantly which got a laugh from Luca. “Gonna give Keith a run for his money huh?”   
Lance nodded, “Obviously I am gonna have to work my way up, but I will definitely be better than him.”   
Lance puffed out his chest a bit. He had heard about Keith before he had even applied to the Garrison. The best fighter pilot at the school they said, especially for being so young. Lance was only a year younger than him but that meant he had to catch up for over a years worth of training. He needed to be the best, he needed to prove himself to his family, and to everyone else. Lost in thought, Lance almost ran into Luca when he stopped suddenly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krolia's bit

Krolia knew that too much time had passed on Earth but with the rise of the Galra empire she hadn’t been able to leave her mission early. Finally being excused for a well earned break, she rushed back to Earth, back to her lover and daughter. She managed to locate where they used to live without much detection and donned the headscarf that she kept with her to hide her ears and purple complexion. It was the season of ‘summer’ at this time so it wasn’t that out of place. She was so excited that she could barely contain herself as she hurried up to the front door of their home, and politely knocked on the door. Her lover opened the door looking definitely older, but more haggard and tired than when she last saw him. Their eyes met and he lit up, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into the house. The second they had privacy he pulled off her scarf to get a look at her. She didn’t look any older but bore a few new scars and carried herself a little lower. He pulled her in for a soft kiss and then just held her against his body. Krolia was relishing in the warmth and comfort, when she realised that the house was too quiet. She didn’t break their hold but she glanced around the house, all photos and proof of their daughters existence was gone. Her stomach dropped and she staggered backwards. Her lover froze, looking up at her concerned. “What?! What’s wrong?” He reached a hand towards her and she recoiled. “Where is Emma?” she whispered. “Where is our daughter?”  
He stared at her for a moment before sighing and flopping down onto the couch behind him, running a hand through his short hair. “She’s gone.” He said grimacing and taking a swig out of the amber decanter that rested open on the coffee table.  
Krolia could feel her heart breaking, tears spilling from her eyes as her legs gave out and she fell to the ground.   
She didn’t stay very long after that, her lover refused to share any details of what happened to Emma, and with her hope successfully extinguished she said good-bye and left earth once again, but this time with no plans to return.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you also want to see what I had written for Lance and Krolia


End file.
